Does my name pass through your mind when it’s 3 am and you’re wide awake?
School ripped the passion I had for writing out of my soul and buried it in a pile of shit a million miles away. And that’s the thing - school is meant to make you flourish - it’s supposed to reach deep into your mind and fill your head with passion, knowledge, education. Yet I spend my nights with my overused notebook open, pages seeping with endless memories and turmoil suffered over the years, and I am afraid that if I write something incorrectly, I’ll get a bad grade. My mind has been corrupted by an infinite amount of stimulus and criteria, so much so that I can’t even write one, simple word. I can’t write about my own experiences, my own pain or my own happiness. School has fucked me so many times. I lack passion and the desire to live. I’ll never be the person to say that school handed me the best years of my life. It’s stolen my life.
I don’t have a fear of commitment. I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be close, I get confused. I don’t understand all of it, but I keep pushing because I hope this thing, this universe, there’s no way that I’m the only person out there who wants something this bad, if I want it, someone else out there must too.
No one ever tells you that people will leave your life, unannounced. Sometimes they leave the earth, sometimes they just leave you. Things continue. Tomorrow you will wake up and the sun will be kissing your eyelids and it will be a new day for you to drink too much coffee and reread an old book. You will be okay. No one ever tells you that, either. Days will melt together like some candle you burned down to scraps, and seasons will change. You will fall in and out of love with yourself more times than you’ll ever be able to count. It is important to take the time to appreciate your own fingerprints, your own skin. There will be days when it is all you have.
never forget to be kind to yourself. (via splitterherzen)